New Boots & Contracts

The Eleven Devils Stamp of Approval descends with terrifying speed and force on this Richard Williams column, in which he compares the meaty, beaty, big and bouncy Premiership bonus boys to the less lovely side of '70s rock in its most decadent phase. Pushing the metaphor, Williams sees a parallel between the scruffier, more egalitarian (and, sounds like, more fun) world of the Championship and the pub-rock insurgency that led directly to punk.

This jibes with some preoccupations and reactionary opinions long held 'round here, to wit: while the Premiership can be dandy entertainment, it's also symptomatic of the Soviet-style gigantism and mindless power-worship that have taken over all of sports. One sees this everywhere—from the capitulation of the entire American sports scene to the NFL juggernaut (and its college junior league) to the glammed-up parody cricket of the Indian Premier League, the alleged Invisible Hand is used as an excuse for crushing the small, the quirky, the independent and the non-mainstream. Meanwhile, fans are renovated into consumers, their traditional sense of ownership replaced by a passive role. Buy, buy, buy, kids—until the owners find a more lucrative market, at which point, one way or another, you're gone.

We Are the Champions!

Actually, my Albina Going FC Unicorns are having a bit of a rough go of it in Portland Futsal's increasingly tough Third Division; we took our second one-goal defeat to league leaders Brooklyn Park Pub this week, and face two matches in two days to finish our season, with our prospects for climbing above fourth place (out of five) looking sketchy at best.

However, all is not gloom. Two of our players, in fact, should be sucking down the bubbly today, because they are co-owners of the newly minted FA Trophy champions, Ebbsfleet United. I'm sure Sam and Jimmy are having a fine time on their private islands today. Moguls.

The People's Car

Surely there is a wry historical joke hiding in the news that DC United, the club whose fierce Eagle Rampant badge has prompted some uncharitable comparisons to the aesthetics of various unsavory 20th Century political movements, just signed Volkswagen as its shirt sponsor. I am too tired to make it, however.

Today's Apocalyptic Forecast

The Columbus Crew is (are?) the best team in Major League Soccer. Lines for well-provisioned bunkers form to the left.

Mundo Albiceleste!

After visiting Argentina last year, the XIDevils Editorial Committee maintains a Strange Interest in all things Albiceleste, from tiny cups of really good coffee to riding noble steeds across the pampas. Delightful, then, that a commenter on the previous post (a guy from, of all places, Malayasia) runs this blog devoted to all Argentine players everywhere. God bless the Blaaaaghosphere.

Zenit's Zenith

So as I survey the possible wreckage of the Champions League final, which I fear will be a dire occasion enlivened only by the different comic facial expressions Drogba and Ronaldo use while wagging their fingers at the referee, I've been thinking how awesome it will be next year when the superb fantasy-football line-up of Bayern Munich gets its act together and rips through the CL. And then, of course, Bayern goes to Russia and gets completely sashlik'ed by Zenit St. Petersburg, like so:

zenit_bayermunich
Uploaded by thefootie

All of which leads me to both revise my predictions for next year's Champions League and reflect that the competition would be REALLY awesome if clubs like Zenit could make it to the final stages.

Five Things to Root For in the Champions League Final

—An earthquake.

—UEFA has the foresight to hire a panel of Chinese and Romanian judges to decide the diving competition between Didier Drogba and Cristiano Ronaldo.

—Petr Cech takes the field in a full suit of Medieval armor.

—Roman Abramovich starts a money-throwing fight with the entire Glazer family and buries them alive in Euros.

—The inevitable Wayne Rooney red card.

Beyond that, I can think of nothing else. Signed—

—Bitter as a rural Pennsylvanian:

XIDEVILS.